Was there ever a time when you felt like you weren’t in control of your life? If so, how did the Lord bring you out of it?
The years I was writing seriously but not published, I felt very out of control of my life. But I also knew it had to be that way.
I am a control freak (gasp! I know that just shocks people), and the thought that my dream career as an author was completely out of my hands was frightening.
But God wanted it that way. He wanted to teach me to rely on Him more, He wanted to shake me up and make me stop trying to do things on my own (sounds a bit like Lex and Trish from my novels, doesn’t it?).
I learned patience the hard way. God worked on me every single day to give my writing career up to Him. I can point to blog post after blog post where I’d whine about not being published yet, blah blah blah. And God always grabbed me and rattled me so that I’d give up my complaining and try to rest in Him.
It was probably the most conflicted inner battle I’ve had as a Christian, because I love writing more than anything else I’ve ever done. But I started to realize that God wanted it that way.
He wanted me to struggle, because in the end, the struggle made me stronger.
Right now, I’m in between contracts. I’ve finished my third contracted book with Zondervan, and I’m sending out proposals to see if they’ll pick up another story from me.
It’s WAY scary. I may never get another contract. I may have to go back to work as a biologist.
But this period of not being in control is nowhere near as spiritually conflicted as when I wasn’t contracted yet. My struggles earlier have helped me to have more peace now, more ability to release my fears and anxious thoughts to Him.
So I guess I’m saying, if you’re going through a similar period, it might not get easier. But it will be good—the way God called His creation “good” when He was making the world.